Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
