What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
