First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
