I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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