found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
