I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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