Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You dont lie about slip and slides
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
