i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
