uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
