It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
