Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
