WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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