i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
We need to get me chipped asap
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
