A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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