You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
