I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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