i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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