i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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