oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
