i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
