wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
