then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i came on her dog
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
