Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
