im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
