After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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