do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
