would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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