That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
nutella sex= disaster
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
