Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
