DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
