I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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