you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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