I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
