Is it normal to miss your booty call?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
