I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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