i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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