i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
