oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
