i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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