New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
