Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
