Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
