I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
