Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
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