I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
