i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
