Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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