Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
