no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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