you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
