They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
