just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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