The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
